I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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