I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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