your room smells of hookers.
And success
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
