I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
