so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
