Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I think I died a long time ago.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
