The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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