I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
