so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
well you can't waste a boner
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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