Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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