yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
