it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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