fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
