I should be sponsored by Trojan
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
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