Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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