Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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