Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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