two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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