She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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