Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
