You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
A+ Viking dick
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
