she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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