I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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