I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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