So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
