please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
