Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
