i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
