Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
