he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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