I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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