I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
