im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
