Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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