Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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