You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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