all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
