WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
