Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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