O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
