Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
