I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
