Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
