Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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