I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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