broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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