i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
