just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
