I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
