I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
