Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
