C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
