I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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