I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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