Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
